I had a very rewarding day yesterday. No, I didn’t get anything done but I’m learning to be at peace with all that is happening both to me and around me. Saturday night was difficult. End of the world stuff. I was defeated, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
But I was reminded yesterday that sometimes you have to give up everything you think you need because provision, abundant provision is waiting for you. I’m Christian. But no, I’m not preaching or as I call bible thumping. But If you’ve heard bible stories, you’ve heard of Jesus feeding the five thousand. He did that by taking the five loaves and fish from the one boy who had food. Everything he had. Didn’t promise him a thing, sent someone to ask for it and took it. Nothing more is said of the boy but without him that miracle would not have been as inspiring … as least to me.
I took a step in faith last night and went to a meeting at church. I have not spoken much to people one on one in I’d say, over a year because of my speech problems and facial tics. (I use email and texts and excuses why I just can’t get together) Well I formed sentences! I spoke and had an real conversation! It was about my chickens and yes, I lost words and my DH had to help a bit but I talked!!! I think I said more words last night than I have the last few months combined!
So, what’s the inspiration you ask? This was me letting go of my pride, I’ve lost everything else.. income, medical insurance, the ability to take care of myself… those things I think I need to live. Instead I cling to the real things I need to live, the people who are around me, the love that is abundant around me. All of you who listen when I can’t form words and thoughts correctly and pray for me.
No, I don’t think anything is going to be easy, and that’ll I’ll be cured. I’m not going to win the lottery (you’ve got to buy tickets to win, I think) and the Social security is not going to presto decide the doctors are right(they don’t care about what doctors say, its lawyers and paperwork that count). The IRS is going to audit us every time we file (I did make that mistake in 1997’s taxes we owed them, that’s why we use H&R Block to handle all that now).
So today instead of defeated I am grateful… for each of you and for all my family and friends around me.
Maybe now I can get something done without all the stoo-pid fretting over everything that is out of my control.